More Than a Tennis Tip

Yesterday I ventured back onto the tennis court after a lengthy and self-imposed hiatus from the game. I was motivated not so much by the love of the game but along the lines of avoiding humiliation. The mixed doubles season begins in two weeks and I will be playing against opponents at least half my age who will be able to outrun, outhit and outdrink me. (A lot of the younger guys show up with a hangover)

I thought I would get out there to wake up the body, see what muscle memory I still have and collect a few solid tips to get my legs, arms, and other body parts all going in the same direction. What I got instead was an awakening of the mind and a tip way too good to keep to myself. The question I was asked in regards to my tennis strokes and mental mindset on the court was: Are you judging (saying critical things about one's strokes,learning ability, skill level, emotional fortitude, etc) or diagnosing?

He was asking me about my thoughts while playing tennis, but I took it straight to my life. I was busted! Totally called out on that one. The correct answer is diagnosing (and was not the one I gave.)

Diagnosing - an impartial, objective, nonemotional evaluation leading to a more productive, thoughtful and considerate response. Unlike judging which creates disappointment, resentment and resistance towards myself or from those I judge.

What I took away from that lesson was if you want to get better at anything whether it is your tennis game or the true game of love that we play with everyone in our lives, do more diagnosing and less judging.

Thank you to Michael, from Brookfield Country Club, for giving me one of the best tennis lessons of my life.

How a Tarantula Changed My Life

I HATE SPIDERS! I am the one who will throw shoes from across the room at one of God's creepiest creatures hoping to land a fatal toss!

A month ago, that fear turned into a morbid fascination while I watched a tarantula crawl down the face of Jimmy Kimmel's sidekick, Guierllmo. Weirdly I thought, "I could do that if I had the chance." Where in God's name did that thought come from?!!

As a Life Coach, I help people face their fears as they move out of their comfort zones to embrace change. It was simply time for me to "walk the talk" by facing a fear and changing the parameters of one of my comfort zones. (which happens to be at least a room away from a spider)

Unbelievably that opportunity to "face" a tarantula came two weeks later during what was supposed to be a relaxing spring break trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. It turned out to be my personal version of "Fear Factor." It was definitely too late for the warning: "Be careful what you wish for."

It all began when my 18 year old daughter and I signed up for what we thought was just the zipline canopy tour. I found myself hyperventilating with a pounding heart as I zipped along the treetops. Back on terra firma my heart returned to normal until we both spotted the tarantula cage (not empty). Anxiety and fear came raging back as I remembered my Jimmy Kimmel inspired vow to wear a tarantula.

So, with my daughter shaming (I mean encouraging) me I approached Antonio the bartender, the man in charge of the hairy creature. When I asked if I could hold it, a normal crazy tourist request, he explained how the "game" really worked. One cannot hold it but wear it! The next thing I know I am leaning against some rocks with the biggest, hairiest spider I have ever seen on my chest.

Just when I thought I was done, "thank you very much, you can remove it now," my daughter had me go for the gold by yelling something like "If you turn back now, you will lose the race." I am not a quitter, (and need to rethink that trait) so it was next placed on my head. It then slowly crawled down my face - all without me wetting my pants!

Want to see that photo? Be warned that you might find the photo below a bit creepy and disturbing. For example, my daughter's boyfriend threw down the camera when he saw the tarantula on her face. Now that's just a bit wimpy.

So, what did I learn from this about comfort zones and life? 1) Getting out of your comfort zone takes courage; 2) View it as exciting rather than terrifying; 3) Expect some or even a lot of discomfort; 4) You CAN do it - just like the Nike ad promises and 5) It's not as bad as you think it will be (A tarantula on my face actually felt like a mini facial massage!)

If you want to change your mind and behavior, getting out of your comfort zone is a must. You do not have to hold snakes, wear tarantulas or go skydiving. Instead, think about working with a life coach to support and guide you through the process OR grab a teenager! That works too.